أدخلني حبك سيدتي مدن الأحزان
وأنا من قبلك لم ادخل مدن الأحزان
A series of profound epiphanies materialised and formed in my head listening to this today - in a sad moment in my life on an evening walk
I have alays observed this song as my default when my mind is still - or sad - or heart is heavy - or even in a content mood
My mind defaults to it
2 and a half decades since hearing it for the first time - and somehow I understand it for the very first time
He probably wrote it high and sad
I chose it to ground me on that walk - let’s face it humans are drama queens when sad- so I put this on and atarted counting my blessings - MY people in this mad horrific state of the world! Radically grateful for my people in ways I did not realize before
I forgave you
For the first time
Maybe I don’t understand it - but now I know you cannot help it even when you understand it
- I’ll let you be you
And I forgive you
And then I reached the main street - without my glasses
The car lights where colorful halo shapes
And it was this
علمني حبكِ سيدتي اسوأ عادات
علمني أفتح فنجاني في الليلة آلاف المرات
وأجرب طب العطارين وأطرق باب العرافات
علمني أخرج من بيتي لأمشط أرصفه الطرقات
وأطارد وجهك في الأمطار وفي أضواء السيارات
And it was me
For the first time in 25 years - I hear it
I am the woman.
أدخلني حبك سيدتي مدن الأحزان
وأنا من قبلك لم ادخل مدن الأحزان
Humans remember sadness more deeply - and I was a sad dramatic child with a blessed, most caring childhood
It is just how it is and how I remember it
And I am the woman that made the earth stand still when she loved deeply with all her being - all her existence
All her longing for the unattained dreams
It is still standing still somehow
It just وقفت عن الدوران
And that scares me daily
I am the woman that reads children storybooks daily and enters fantasy places with you
وحلمت بأن تتزوجني بنت السلطان
تلك العيناها أصفى من ماء الخلجان
تلك الشفتاها أشهى من زهر الرمان
وحلمت بأني أخطفها مثل الفرسان
And that is definitely written when high - he just meant the world الدنيا
dreamt of giving you the best in this world
Always
Before we even got married. I dreamt of seizing the world with you
Designed it
Had it planned
I was going to work with you and we would have a design and housing empire
And life happened
And the world stood still
علمني كيف يمر العمر ولا تأتي بنت السلطان
I had a folder in my outlook email - where I wrote my midday khawater - mid convos and what have you
It was called “هذيان"
It is all هذيان after all
And see ^ all this drama
Maybe I am your cities of sadness afterall
يا وجعي يا وجع النايات
I tried writing this in Arabic
I tried thinking it
I couldn’t
We distance ourselves emotionally by not thinking in the mother tongue
- this is my to stay sane
Maybe one day you read this
It came from a place of utter sadness - the kind that shreds you from the inside
عتب ووجع على قدر الحب
وقدر العمر
وقدر الوعود
And utter Love
And utter appreciation for the love
And utter longness for those shared dreams
And sadness to see them slip away
Fading slowly. Overtime
Forgive me
21/05/2026
